her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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