sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
