Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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