how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
