Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Less talking, more tequila
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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