so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
