I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My ATM looks so different sober.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
