The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
