i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
