so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
