My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
