hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
