Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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