im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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