do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
