He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think your dad took our porno
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
