similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
