Need sex. Gaining weight.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
