kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
