You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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