dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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