he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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