I am in a vortex of obligation.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The air taste purple.
Randomize
