her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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