Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
what is it with giant penises always finding me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
