turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
