I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
