it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
