Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
