Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
