I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
