im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
