I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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