come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You can't motorboat a personality
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
