When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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