well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
