I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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