New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
