Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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