just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
