Quick, to the slutcave!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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