I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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