I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
