i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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