Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Michael Bay diarrhea
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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