so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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