I'm lost and stupid without you.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
