We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
