You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
