I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
