Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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